Sunday, July 13, 2008

Just like that

All day long I've been thinking about a post I read on a friend's blog. Just like me, she was lucky to experience the thrills of motherhood through IVF, after long years battling against our arch enemy - infertility! I think she's hitting what I call the "troublesome twos". Not in baby terms here, though. It's that post-successful-IVF phase, when you've settled comfortably into your new roll as a mom, but you start getting that itch that drives you crazy - you want to experience it all over again. Oh yes, I remember it well. But at the same time there's a little voice nagging at the back of your head, telling you that success is not guaranteed the next time round. So you find yourself at a crossroads. You either ignore that little voice and tell it to get lost, or you quit while you're ahead.

Now, I took the latter. Not because I'm an incredible source of wisdom. No siree! This chick here just got cold feet. For me, conquering infertility meant the doors were wide open to that world I had always dreamt of. The fertile world that everyone was going on about. Where people have sex if they want to have babies. Hurray! And if you're really lucky, you might forget your pill once and get knocked up. Yippee! Or better still, you might be so fertile that you take one look at your partner and...a drum're pregnant. Pretty amazing, eh? So after having had a baby, even though there's infertility looming in the background, people tell me to be careful, lots of women get pregnant like that (snap of the fingers) once they've had a baby. "Like that?" I ask. "Just like that!" (snap of the fingers) Wow! Awesome!

I know what you're thinking. If you're a little skeptical about the look and snap of the fingers, don't worry. So am I. Especially in my case - no tubes! And even if you tell these fertile people that your fallopian tubes had to be removed, they won't listen. "So-and-so got pregnant and I heard she didn't have tubes", they say. "Really? And was it just like that?" I ask. "You betcha," they say. So, I like going along with the whole charade. It makes me feel super-duper fertile. I take the piss out of people. And it's a barrel of laughs along the way.

So, you see, I like the illusion of belonging to a world that I know is not my own. Going through IVF again would mean facing up to the bitter reality that no look, pill slip, or snap of the finger would do it for me. I'd be lucky if I managed to get my ovaries producing a couple of good eggs. My son was the luck of the draw and quitting while I'm ahead, is my way of calling the shots now. My days of docs, labs, shots & meds are long gone! It's goodbye and good riddance!

1 comment:

HOPE said...


É mesmo isso. Quando escrevi "sei que não vou conseguir" é por não querer voltar àquele cruzamento de que falas. Eu optei por seguir em frente, esquecer a PMA de vez, porque sei que sem tratamentos não consigo engravidar.
Mas há sempre aquela esperança que não me larga... O médico disse-nos que na natureza não há impossíveis e esta vozinha não me larga!
Gostava mesmo muito de ter mais uma gravidez, mais um filho da barriga! Gostei tanto de estar grávida!!!!

Bjs ;)