Carnival

We just got back home from celebrating Carnival at my parents' place (on the Spanish border), where we were greeted by a glorious spring day. The weather was as close to perfect as I could imagine. The little guy had a grand time dressing up as the "Mystery Musketeer". He had his heart set on being Zorro this year but we couldn't find a costume his size. Well, that's a lie. Truth is we couldn't find a cheap Zorro costume his size. I knew a local shop was having a clearance sale on costumes and told him that it was the only place in town where we could get the outfit. They were on sale for just 2€!!! No Zorro, so we settled on a musketeer costume instead. But to make up for my fib I got him a black cowboy hat and a Zorro mask, thus the Mystery Musketeer. I think he looked really cute and deserves an oscar for his performance today. We hit the medieval streets of my parents' town for the photo shoot. Hope you enjoy!

The grand entrance... (oops! no horse!)



Up to the castle to save the princess!



Fear not! I'll protect you, my lady.

Show and Tell: The Mona Lisa Smile

One of the great mysteries of my life: how I managed to smile in this picture. And it's not a fake smile, it really is the genuine thing. And it really looks like I'm happy here, doesn't it? Well, this was taken 8 years ago on a trip home to Canada during one of the most painful times of my life. I had lost my second tube after another ectopic pregnancy (loss #4) and I was getting ready for IVF #3, my last shot at pregnancy before closing that chapter of my life. It wasn't a time when I had much to smile about. To be honest, I spent most of the time crying that year. All my hope was lost and I was starting to face the fact that there was a childless future in store for me. Life works in mysterious ways. Little did I know that I would actually have a lot to smile about.

This was taken in Niagara Falls, with the falls in the background, and we were on our way to the casino where I actually made quite a bit of money. The gorgeous hunk on the right is my husband (and the world's worst cook) and the hunk on the left is my sweet uncle Armie who I absolutely adore and is a wonderful cook. My uncle surprised me by inviting a group of my closest friends to join us on that weekend trip. He's such a wonderful person and he went out of his way to make sure I did a lot of smiling that summer. I think he actually saved my life! Believe me, it wasn't a time when I felt I had much to live for.

BTW, it's a scanned photo so not great quality. But it's the smile that counts.

To see what the rest of the class is showing and telling, check out Mel's Show & Tell.

And they called it puppy love...

The little guy confessed to me last night that he has a crush on a little girl in his class. I was so surprised when he told me as I was tucking him in last night. His face went bright red as he stared down at his hands. My first reaction was to hug him tight as if to stop any little girl from stealing him away from me. But I decided, instead, not to make a fuss about it because I didn't want to add to the embarrassment. It's not not easy telling a mom about these things. I feel a rite of passsage here. He definitely doesn't believe in Santa anymore, I could tell from his reaction in the morning when he opened his presents. He found it odd that "Santa" used the same wrapping paper I did. Smart one, Raggedy Ann. And now the revelation that my little boy is in love. Time just flies! Pretty soon he'll be asking for the car keys!

The Birdhouse

While I've been lounging around the house, lazy as can be, my guys have been busy out in the garden sawing & hammering away. My son led me out of the house by the hand, with my eyes closed, to show off their masterpiece. And there was the weirdest looking birdhouse I've ever seen (not at all like the picture here on the side). But I've got to admire them for their imagination and creativity, recycling lots of waste material found around the house. Good job, boys!

There's only one problem. We need to put together a scarecrow now to keep the damn birds away from my vegetable patch. But I won't be a party pooper today and leave that for another time.

The look

Family get-togethers are joyful events - or are they? Ever since I had my son I've always felt awkward in family celebrations. I know this sounds weird. For years, when I didn't have children, it was a nightmare going to parties where there would be children around or the dreaded questions would pop up "So, when are you guys thinking of having kids? What are you waiting for?". I was so desperate then just to be part of the gang. You see, wanting to have children is not solely about the joys of motherhood, it also has to do with the sense of belonging.

Once I had the little guy, I honestly thought that I'd just blend in with all the other parents and no more awkward questions. But now it's something else all together. As usual, my husband thinks I'm paranoid. Ok, maybe I am. But it's a different kind of awkwardness. I get these weird looks from people when I'm with my son. If I could read their minds just from the look on their faces, it'd be something along the lines of "Look at them, how sweet. What that poor woman went through to have a baby." Ok, now you are starting to think I'm paranoid. But I hate pity!

And, in these gatherings, when people ask me what I've been up to, I automatically launch on to the work I've been doing in my association. That's when I get another type of look. This time it's like "Can't you just leave that topic alone. It's over. Why put yourself through this again". For fuck sakes, because infertility is an integral part of my life.

Today I went to the first communion of my niece. Topic of conversation at the table: death, cancer, colesterol, losing weight, bitching about others, gossip. Not a damn person was interested in anything I had to say on how we're working so hard to help the 500,000 couples who suffer from infertility in our country. That's when I get a look from my husband which says loud & clear "Leave it alone. Drop that topic now or you're going to spoil the atmosphere". What atmosphere? Oh yeah, talking about who died or what so & so is wearing.

Am I angry? You're damn right I am. Probably paranoid as well, but that's an age thing.