Thursday, August 21, 2008

At a loss for words


As moderator in the discussion board of our association (APF) there are times when I just don't know what to say. No wisdom, no insight, no inspiration...just anger. How can one still have so much anger towards infertility after having survived it? You would think that it would be so easy to respond to all the pain with words of comfort and sound advice. But not so! I think I know less now than I did before. Sometimes I feel I am becoming more cynical and less of a believer. I am so angry because I see more and more people with this terrible disease. I'm angry at myself for not knowing what to say to these people when all they want or need are words of hope. I'm so angry because one of the girls from our association & leader of one of our support groups has just suffered an ectopic pregnancy. I've tried to confort her in her loss, knowing all too well what it feels like to go through an ectopic & losing a tube, I lost both my tubes. I know that fear that prevents you from even trying to contemplate another pregnancy. But I feel a failure in my role as a friend. I need to find a way to dump all this anger. I just can't understand how I can still be so angry 7 years after conquering my infertility. It's not fair to the people who rely on me for help. And that makes me even angrier!


3 comments:

Martha said...

So sorry, RA. I feel your raw pain and sadness that feed your anger and I wish I could take some of your burden and carry it for you. ((Hugs))

Elize said...

Hi! I don't know what's waiting on the 'other' side yet, but I totally get that the anger doesn't go away. (((HUGS))) It will always be difficult to comfort some one who has suffered a loss, even thought you've been there.
Elize (ICLW)

My name is Andy. said...

I'm just stopping by from ICWL.

The fact that you recognize your anger means that you are very much in tune with yourself. That is the kind of person I would want to turn to for support. Don't feel bad about your anger, embrace it and use the energy for good.