Friday, September 5, 2008

My Old Man

My old man and I have gone through a tough week. Not that these trials in life are new to us. We've had our share in the nearly 2 decades we've been together. If there's one thing I can say for infertility is that if you're able to survive it as a couple, than you can pretty much cope with anything. For 12 years it was our love and a shared dream of building a family that bound us together. Seven years later it is that very same love and our dream-come-true that keeps us going.

We've come to the end of a week in hell, when once again we had to hit the ground running to fight for what matters most in our life: our family. Unfortunately, the initial battle was not won and we had to give into the SOB who, for whatever reasons he had, be it bitterness or revenge, rocked the boat of what is most sacred to us. Giving in is the hardest thing one can do. This was a David versus Goliath battle from the very start and, although we could have fought this out to the end in a legal battle, we decided it wasn't worth it. Either way, here in Portugal we always stand to lose when facing people in high-powered jobs. Specially if these people carry a lot of bitterness in their heart and a grudge against world.

So, in the end I think that what could have been regarded as defeat, we choose to regard as a victory. Accepting our limitations as parents, acknowledging that it is impossible to create a perfect world for our son, is part of the long and winding road of parenthood. We will now have to juggle our jobs somehow to secure that my son has his parents when he needs them, even if something is lost along the way in terms of our careers.

I was very bitter this week and angry at the world. How could we, infertility survivors, still have to continue fighting for our family? That anger and resentment managed to seep its way into every aspect of my life, including my volunteer work with infertile couples. I was angry at everybody. And felt even angrier because it was unfair to a lot of people. However, a lesson is always learnt in any painful experience in life. And in this story it is one of acceptance of our limitations, something I constantly preach to the couples of my support group. The plain fact is that we just can't always have it all. We need to contantly re-invent our dreams, re-invent our lives and re-invent ourselves.

I admire my husband so much for the way he dealt with this situation, without losing the gentleness that makes him such a special guy. He could have got the perfect schedule, the principal (aka the SOB) offered him an alternative, however that meant screwing up the lives of other teachers. Something that could have been avoided from the very start if he hadn't let his meanness get in the way of better judgement. My husband simply could not do that to his colleagues and I love him for that. Cause that's just the kind of guy my old man is. And that's the kind of dad my son needs.

Thank you to everybody who made me smile this week.

1 comment:

Martha said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful family you have. I'm so sorry you have to go through this stress.